Friday, December 18, 2009

Three Minutes to Go

I don't think I want to go out and do Primal Scream. I liked it last year, but I don't think I want to do it tonight. I'm almost done with finals. I could've used a scream last Sunday, but now? I'm all out of tension. It's all I can do to maintain enough tension to study for my final tomorrow.
AND it's 10:00. AND I'm...going out.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009


I lack self-control. I pretty much do what I want, and so I have stopped putting myself in situations where this could possibly be a problem. I don't usually want bad things, but sometimes blindly following my desires is impractical. I'm working on being more responsible about going after what I want by giving myself little self-control tests. Finals make the challenge even more real, because I can't just do what I want. I can't just watch the whole first season of "Being Erica" online just because it's available on Hulu. I can't sleep the day away. I have to focus.

Friday, December 11, 2009


I was in the library today, when I noticed that the girl next to me was slumped over, face-down at her computer. The computers are communal, and it can sometimes be really hard to find an open one when you need to print something, and so it seemed like a strange place for a nap. I felt a little awkward, because no one else seemed phased by this behavior, but it was out of place, and I sort of wondered if she was bleeding into her brain or something. It would be selfish to nap at a computer because then no one else could use it while you were sleeping and so otherwise occupied, and while Smithies can be very rude, this seemed a little over the top. I decided the behavior that was called for was the same for whether she was dying or rude, and I was just about to poke her when she sat up. I was a little disappointed actually, especially when she just stretched and then went back to sleep, still at the computer.
We presented our Learning & Behavior Change projects today. I was the only one who really put effort into my graph, most of them were done on notebook paper that still had the fringey scraps on the one side. It didn't matter though, as I have loved the class, and I was happy to put that work in. I think Dave might be my favorite ever college professor. He's funny, and wise, and he makes the material interesting, and he classically conditioned me to salivate at the thought of his class, and he said he would loan me a Skinner Box so I could train Flora. He's such a great guy, and today at the end of class he gave a little speech about how we don't need to worry so much and be so hard on ourselves because it's more important that we try to be happy. He didn't have a real job until he was 40, until he came to Smith, but he did have a lot of adventures. He also had the bare minimum GPA to get into grad school, but he had a great time in college and was very involved in Outing Club, and dating, and just living life. And it all still worked out. He says that his children and his chickens and his blueberries all make him so much happier than getting papers published, and we shouldn't lose sight of what we enjoy about life while we are pursuing our goals. It even looked for a moment like he was going to let us off without a final, but he won't. He is a great man, but he's also a great professor, and he while he wants us to take more than just the course material from his class, he does want to see if we've learned anything this semester. I never want to not be in his class again, but he's only teaching stats next semester, and I've already taken that. I got really lucky this semester though. It was like a perfect storm. I hate finals (obviously), but I feel pretty good. I want to study, because I want to show Palmer how much I enjoyed his class by getting an A. Also by giving him peppermint bark. I got so lucky with my professors this semester, it only seems right that I would give them a small token of appreciation.
And now back to the grindstone. It's much too cold to leave my house, but I'm going to study in my room until the wee hours of the morning because I can sleep in tomorrow.
Sidenote: These things are not mutually exclusive, but it sometimes seems like they are, so for the record, I would rather be weird than boring, adventerous than safe, and nice than smart. I case you were wondering.