Secrets

I sometimes wish I could keep secrets. It's an important social skill, and something I'm going to need to do in my chosen field. At the same time though, I don't like having secrets of my own. I like talking about things. It seems like most of the time it's better to talk about things than not. And I don't mean to say that people should always say whatever is running through their minds, there's nothing wrong with tact, but I feel like it's often better to say something instead of just carrying it around.
I want to be on the selection committee for the rugby team. I actually approached both coaches this weekend with suggestions, but I'm not on the committee, and so it was pretty pointless. I think I had reasonable points (one girl's parents had come to watch, one was a senior. They're both good players that put in the time and effort and deserved to play. Neither one would have hurt the team if he had put them out, and they probably would have helped. I hate it when coaches don't sub. Especially since we had all come out, giving up our weekend, and in the end I don't think it matters whether we win or not, we're there to have fun and play rugby. All of us. Except me, I wasn't there to play rugby, I've mentally checked out for the season.) I like our coaches, but they don't sub enough, and it pisses me off. I actually got into it a bit with the team president, she said she would quit if the team gave preference to seniors, but I think that's incredibly babyish. Lots of seniors didn't get to play in the tournament, and they aren't going to get another chance. Most of them aren't planning on playing after college, and it's an important tournament with a lot of sentimental value. Besides, if everyone plays as a senior then everyone gets a turn eventually. While we were having this argument her girlfriend was waving her hands at me and shaking her head, clearly signally for me to cut it out and not pay attention to her, but I don't see what the problem is with sharing playtime. I knew I wasn't going to convince her, this was the girl that wouldn't give someone else a chance to play even though she is on crutches. She is convinced that the team is better off with her gimping along than someone else scrumhalfing. I mean c'mon, that's selfish and shortsighted, she's a junior and she could have really hurt herself. Playing injured is just silly, and she'll be back at Beast next year anyway. It made me pretty mad, but it boils down to individualistic versus collectivistic thinking. The kicker is that individualistic thinking is assciated with better developmental outcomes. I think that's sort of sad, but you can't count on other people to not look out for themselves, so maybe it's best to look out for yourself. But then we're back to is it better to be optimistic and disappointed or pessimestic and pleasantly surprised, and I still say optimism is better.
I want to run for B-side captain so I can have some input on selections, but I know I won't win. The incoming president's (not the one I fought with, she's the old president) girlfriend is running, and I don't have any pull with anyone. Running would mean making a speech and then losing gracfully, and I don't feel like doing that. It's lame, but I don't want to run for something that I really want because I would be very disappointed if I didn't get it. I think I would do a good job, but the girl that is going to win will do a good job too. And the fact that I don't care how the team does as long as we play well and people have fun isn't a selling point for letting me help pick the teams.
This morning we had an early game, and when we got to the field it was all dewy and smelled amazing. I love that early morning country summer smell, it's so clean. I had a challenging weekend, but that morning smell was really great.