Monday, March 1, 2010

Willoughby

It feels like spring today. I of course forgot to say "rabbit rabbit", but I'm glad it's March.
I went to church with a girl from the crew team yesterday. We went to First Baptist in Amherst, and it was interesting. I love the girl, she's one of those sweet people that makes people feel totally accepted and at their ease. She has a very endearing faith too, she brought her own bible to the service, and took notes all during the sermon so she could read over them later and reflect. We met this older couple who told us that church is a great place to meet boys. They had met at church forty years ago, so I guess it works for some people.
I went to an interesting show on Saturday. I had to be responsible and skip Drag Ball because of Saturday practice, but the show had a drag element, so I still met my quota. It was called Johnny Blazes One (Wo)Man Show. I thought it would be packed, but it was actually a small audience, which made me nervous, as ze kept pulling audience members onstage and spraying whipped cream in people's mouths and whatnot. I hate audience participation, and I was there by myself, so I already felt self-conscious. I wasn't picked though, so I had a nice time. There was some drag king stuff, and a few monologues, and ze actually sang some opera. (Yes, I'm using the weird pronouns, but that's what was on the website when I looked hir up.) It was a lot of fun. I'm trying to be better about going to stuff by myself if I can't find someone to go with me. It's stupid to sit at home if there's something fun going on.
Thirteen days until Spring Break. It's currently in the high 50s and rainy in Gainesville. I would like to get some sun, but even if it's cold it'll be nice to finally get in a boat. We put the ergs up on sliders on Saturday, so now we really have to row in sync. It's hard, and now it's obvious when I screw up, but I don't care, I just want to get on the water.
I keep having delightful encounters with girls from the crew team. I was having a really horrible practice this morning; I was slow and tired and cross, and I was sitting next to the fastest novice, and I kept comparing our splits and feeling bad about myself. I looked pretty sullen too, I was right up in front of the mirror and I looked incredibly pissy. Right before our last set though, the girl next to me started whistling "Deck the Halls". She caught my eye and gave me a really great smile, and I felt so much better. I don't know why she was whistling, and it probably wasn't because I was being a pill, but it cheered me right up. And the smile was for me.
I was thinking last night about Willoughby from Sense and Sensibility. It's the only Jane Austin I've ever read (judge away) and I liked it a lot, but I also totally lost my heart to Willoughby, despite his being a total cad. The thing is, he wasn't malicious, he was just selfish. That isn't any excuse, but it makes him seem less awful than some other cads you encounter in literature. This didn't come out of nowhere. I know I said I was over all of my Geneseo sadness, and I don't feel sad, but I still sometimes think about everything that happened. I was mulling over it, and C. kinds of reminds me of Willoughby. They share a sort of careless if not malicious indifference to other people's feelings. Marianne was happy without him in the end, but I bet she still sometimes felt wistful about the way things ended between them. It's hard to not.

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