Wednesday, April 8, 2009
I spent about 45 minutes today crying. Needless to say, counseling was a success. Well...sort of a success. It was nice having someone tell me that it's ok to be having a hard time at a new school, in a new state, trying to break into a famously cliquey org (seriously, everyone I've told about joining rugby has told me they're really cliquey. Where did this come from? Rugby is supposed to be friendly.), and doing all of this coming in during the middle of the year. It is hard, and I appreciated her acknowledging that. There's just something about therapy that makes me cry though, I don't know what it is. I went in and told her that I was feeling much better since I made the appointment, and then I just broke down. It was pretty exhausting actually, and then I had to go take a quiz.
The counselor suggested I take a more active role in making friends, and that I stop worrying that people are only being nice to me because I am the pathetic transfer. She told me I should talk to my HP if I'm lonely. I like my HP, but I'm really more focused on the rugby team. Today I suggested the rookies all do something together, but this idea was shot down. The girl I suggested this to said we should be all bonding as a team, and not separating off into groups. I think this is stupid for several reasons (A. We don't bond as a team anyway, so this would be bonding as opposed to not bonding, B. There is nothing wrong with having a tight rookie class, it's a good way for people to feel accepted as a part of the team, C. I'm not suggesting a coup, just dinner or watching one of Ben's rugby dvds. I don't think it would hurt anyone, D. The team is already so cliqued out it would be almost impossible to make it any more divided. We're playing the molecule game here) but I didn't press the issue. It was frustrating getting shut down while I was trying to do my counseling homework and set up something social, but I'm going to keep trying. With someone else tomorrow. I started with this girl because she reminds me of Dana, so I felt more comfortable, but she isn't Dana, so it was a false sense of security. It sounds really bad, but I could go for some good old fashioned hazing. Nothing deadly, but it brought the Geneseo team together really well. I don't see the harm in making a pong table or something. I don't know what I can do about rugby except be patient, but it's hard.