Friday, March 20, 2009
Washing the Slate
It's been a sort of rough week. Being home is great, I love seeing my family, and just being in Buffalo is nice. I met some cool people, and I learned about some cool new causes. Sometimes though, the few negative things can make an otherwise harmless, or even good week bad. For some reason two wronged parties decided this was the week to air their grievances, and that wasn't fun to hear. I'm sad that these people feel that way, (though I'm not surprised by one of them) but I'm not questioning myself over it. Even though a lot of what they said was true, I'm not going to hate myself over it, that's totally unproductive. I've been watching the show "Dollhouse", and this has made me think of what Echo said in the first episode, about how you can always see what was on the slate, even after it's been cleaned. And Dana told me that even if I transferred I would still be the same person, and I can't run away from myself. I don't mind these traces though, they're part of who I am. And I like who I am, even if I have made more than my share of mistakes and other people don't like me. I think I'm doing an ok job. Not a stellar job, but I'm trying. And so that allowed me to sleep last night, even after a day of being told that I have a bad character, and not dwell, and doubt myself. I'm making a more serious effort to wipe the slate and start fresh, and it's actually easier now, as ties to my old life are being cut. I even like that an old camp friend is transferring to Geneseo, and sealing up, at least in my mind, whatever space I left, so I know it's really over. I doubt baby birds really mind being pushed out of the nest, there's a whole world out there. Even being told that people are tearing me apart behind my back, and the only person that defends me is CWB doesn't bother me as much as I think the teller intended it to. I'm putting the past behind me, and I don't actually care what people that don't like me think. Everything feels like life and death when you're living it, but I left, it's over, and I have the whole world before me.